A Magical Story...How Will It End?

Once upon a time in a land far far away, in the tallest room in the tallest tower, with the tallest bed and the most miraculous shower, there lived three maidens: Nicole, Brittany and Jessie. They were all connected through royal bloodline….but more than that there was a magical connection (similar to that of the Charmed ones).


Their story begins two days ago when a certain someone refused to stop at a Brewery where incidentally Jessie’s true love Captain Jack Daniel resided. Jessie, being the youngest and most carefree, felt a peculiar draw to the Brewery. The place being of ill repute, however, she was forbidden to enter by Nicole-- Not that she didn’t make several attempts. To her dismay, she was thrice thwarted by a speckled ogre (wearing spectacles) who stood at the entrance. The immense odor of the ogre could thwart anyone on its own, but she persisted anyway…. Love conquers all… even a foul stench, which put her in a pinch.



After being diverted from the brewery they agreed to visit Club 7 instead… it was, after all, the common place for romantic connections, well known for its crowd of single folk. Common talk in the town was that the mighty Prince Black, dragon slayer and hero, was searching for that which he had not yet found. He was a man unfamiliar with love, but love waited for him in this small club. The music was loud, there was a haze of smoke in the air, and the lighting was only so so, but the blare of a sudden horn pierced the hall drawing the attention of all the folk as Prince Black entered. Brittany, draped in diamonds and adorned in heels and a mini skirt, of course caught the attention of the mighty prince. The beer he was drinking spewed out of his mouth leaving him and those nearby drenched; he, however, didn’t notice as he was currently flabber-gasted , breathless, and awe-struck by her beauty. Their eyes locked and for a moment it seemed as though they were the only two in the room. Luckily he didn’t notice the piece of lettuce drop from the corner of Brittany’s mouth.

Jessie, seeing the opportune moment, snatched a mug and took her leave, only to find that the relief she expected at the exit was nowhere to be found. The snide bartender poured another draught of ale and sneered as she said, “There’s no relief to be found here lady, only the centaur knows the secrets of the old ways.” Jessie dejectedly turned her back on the exit in search of this horse-man.

Fate smiled on her this night as the sound of hooves clicking on the pavement caught her ear. "Daniel?" She peeked through the blinds looking past the drunken gypsies swaying in the street to find the hairiest man she’d ever seen with four legs and yes, in fact, it was Daniel. She quickly swiped a plate from a nearby table, thinking that this man could stand to miss a meal. She snuck out the back and approached the hairy centaur extending the plate as an offering of friendship. Her arm quivered as he stared at the plate thinking, "are you kidding me?" she said, "I brought steak, your favorite right?" To which he replied, "Oh is there steak somewhere beneath that mountain of broccoli?" Jessie smiled a sad smile and began to tell him of her woes. After re-telling her troubles to the creature, he did as he always did. He accepted her half-baked offering and because yes, he is her brother, he assented to lead her to the secret tunnel connecting Club 7 to the Brewery… which incidentally bypasses the block of the odorous ogre.

As Jessie entered the brewery, a nostalgic feeling she often associates with the 90s came over her triggered by the familiar voice of the man waiting behind her. She turned around to find him, Captain Jack Daniel standing in all his glory…. Butt naked, drunk as a skunk, singing old love ballads. The doors to the brewery burst open as Nicole stepped in swinging her mighty sword clearing the path to Jessie and the naked man. She confronted a startled Jessie explaining that a never-nude and an ever-nude can never be together, ever. Nicole dragged a confused looking Jessie from the Brewery out into the snowy streets, as Jessie broke out into song, “It’s my life, and it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever… I just wanna live while I’m alive…. Cause it’s my life!” Nicole exclaimed, “But he’s naked!” to which Jessie returned saying, “Naked like a mole rat… yes, but naked like a newborn babe, eh… hardly.” Jessie was blind to the nakedness of the man seeing only the fabric of his heart.

Nicole, needing some time to think, sauntered along the path following Snake River up to the glorious white castle. She came across many feathered friends to which she enquired, “Why have you not flown south for the winter?” The geese animatedly responded, “The air is full in the south and we had no choice but to return.” Nicole, bothered by this news thought on the implications-- birds must outnumber people in the south. Fearing the over-throw of the human race she sought out protection in the form of a mighty bird hunter who, unbeknownst to her, would save her from more than just a bird attack.

Nicole’s mind was uneasy: Jessie and the ever-nude, Brittany and the dragon slayer, birds taking over the south! Lost in thought soon became just flat out lost. Everything looked familiar and yet no direction was clear, she paused at the local watering hole and the croaking toad’s enchantment lifted her disorientation with a magical ring. As she placed the ring upon her finger a mighty bird hunter’s call preceded a timely rescue from the boggy wasteland. Two jaguar attacks, a fierce elephant confrontation and a close call with a crow later and Nicole knew that this bird boy was her boy. The mighty hunter had saved her and in doing so had also won her heart.

As the full moon approached the center of the sky, and the mighty hunter slept under the luminescent glow, Nicole found herself shimmered to a place from the past, and as the past would have it, evil Marie appeared. “I’ve got you my pretty…” she snickered, Nicole looked at her skeptically and she continued, “… and I’ve been watching you tube: Jessie and the ever-nude, Brittany and that dude and then there’s of course you.” She explained that she had spent her days and her nights among company of the leering vulture and the swooping hawk; her heart became the size of a bird’s and the empty space became filled with jealousy and the need for company in her new found misery.
Nicole, gentle of heart, and eager to prove love true presented a wager: “Arrange a room in the tallest tower, with the tallest bed and the most miraculous shower surrounded by the fool’s labyrinth for Brittany, Jessie and me. With the love of the three we will be set free.” Evil Marie agreed to this proposition knowing that only fools can fall in love and the fool’s labyrinth will surely prevent all three from ever reaching the tower. If all three men never arrive all three women will remain there, dead or alive.

And so at the stroke of midnight, the three girls were shimmered into the tallest room of the tallest tower. The mighty hunter awoke suddenly in a sweat only to find his newfound love missing. Prince Black found himself in a similar predicament, only less sweat, as with the stroke of midnight Brittany vanished from his arms with a shimmer. Leaving behind only a small trace of lettuce. Jessie too found her activities for the night disrupted, as Nicole busied herself with preparations for a bird invasion, Jessie grabbed her chalk and hop-scotched her way to a bubbling brook but this was no ordinary brook that bubbles for it contained the elixir of youth, which Jessie would have known had she read the sign blatantly posted above it. Jessie found herself envisioning a life as an ever-nude – the freedom and invigoration without the restraint of clothes that were not only keeping her from jumping into the refreshing brook, but also forbidding her heart from its one true wish. Jessie began experimenting, taking one sock off and then another. Before she reached the point of true nude witching hour began and she was shimmered away with Brittany and Nicole to the daunting tower.

Surprised and unsure of where they were, Jessie and Brittany turned to Nicole who seemed to them to be surprisingly unsurprised. She recounted the encounter with Evil Marie and explained the deal. Accepting their fate, they began to investigate. In a matter of seconds a high pitched squeal tore through the room; Nicole looking for the body or the blood that surely must accompany such a pain-stricken cry, found only two faces emanating disappointment, grief and betrayal. Nicole wondered aloud, “What’s your deal?” Unable to form words, they merely pointed in the direction of the wash room. Nicole immediately understood the erroneous mistake which had been made. The most vital element of the agreement was that there be a shower, a most marvelous shower, which everyone knows includes the basics of a waterfall, rock tiling and beautiful glass, encasing enough of the surrounding area to lose one’s self in the showering experience. This was no such shower!! In its place was the worst monstrosity, the killer of dreams, the leach of happiness… a TUB! Brittany’s eyes filled with tears and Jessie began parading around the room making demands that it be fixed now!

"Wait, are you naked?" Brittany asked pointedly to Jessie, quite belatedly considering she had been since the time of her arrival. Nicole and Brittany took a small moment to point and laugh until the seriousness of the situation again fell upon them. It became clear that Evil Marie must be summoned but no one wanted any part in that business. There was squawking, whaling and gnashing of teeth. Jessie claimed to want said shower more than anything, yet was unwilling to pay the price. They all knew it had to be done, but none wanted to deal with Evil Marie. It even lowered into the depths of a bargain in which Jessie would summon Marie, as long as she could enter once more into the brewery. But as expected, once called on her word she backed out. Would anyone brave the elements of the evil Marie for the chance to once more enter into that beautiful, majestic, godly shower? Yes, but not yet. More foot stomping, hair pulling, cat calling and crying took place before the deed was done. The window of opportunity was closing. Someone needed to act fast but Nicole, feeling drowsy from the shimmer, collapsed on the bed, taking with her the possibility of ever seeing that shower with her into the wrinkles of the sheet. Everyone knows you can't exchange a bath when the sheets are wrinkled. Jessie took action, she stomped over to the bed and attempted to verbally abuse Nicole hoping she would get off the bed and summon Marie already. Instead, Nicole went to the window where she, trying to put a positive spin on the situation, said, "What a nice view we have, it's a perfect shot of the white castle." Enraged, Brittany and Jessie began a verbal spar which accomplished nothing save high tempers and elated blood pressure.

Finally, Brittany overcome with her love for Prince Black, or perhaps just the shower, grabbed the summoning stick and danced around the fire calling upon the Evil Marie. An ear-shattering noise erupted throughout the room, as the Evil Marie appeared through a cloud of odorous smoke, similar to the stench of a dieing tuna. When the smoke cleared Marie turned a condescending glance towards the three and said, "Oh, you... I thought I was done with you." Brittany refused to look at the object of her summoning and so Jessie and Nicole were forced to meet her face to face, eyes ablaze. "Give me my shower!" Jessie squeaked. Marie looked to Nicole for clarification. Nicole, knowing it would come down to her, rolled her eyes at Marie and said, "You call that a miraculous shower?" as she gestured toward the tub. "Squirts water don't it?" Marie muttered. Seeing the fury behind their eyes she saw it would be in her best interest to follow through with her promise of a most marvelous shower. With the wiggle of her nose the hideous tub magically became the shower of their deepest imaginings. Jessie squealed with delight, "It was like yesterday but better!"


However, as you might expect when dealing with evil the room decreased significantly in size and the view shifted to a funny angle. Nicole lamented the loss of her view but both Brittany and Jessie skipped around the room singing chants. Marie, annoyed by their delight, shimmered out and the smell of dieing tuna went with her. It was the perfect ending to the perfect day...now all that is left to do is wait... on the men... So that brings us to the current condition of these fair maidens, sitting about a tower waiting for love to find them once more. Will they be alone on Valentine's Day this year or will the men kick it in gear and get there already? Only time will tell.